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useful and leave the rest. Interestingly I am already doing many of the things she suggests in the book. After twenty years of marriage I have figured out what works for us and what doesn't. Also I learned some of the same information from Dr. Laura. I listened to her on the radio and read her books and thought a lot about what she had to say.

I think one common theme in the book Surrendered Wife is simply not trying to control your husband. It seems simple but it takes a while to get used to if you haven't been in the habit. My husband and I married when we were fairly young and although we both believed intellectually that the man should be the head of the home I was on the bossy side. If he would get a gift for one of his family members I would criticize him and try to control him. Even if I didn't control him I might make a rude comment later about what a bad choice of gift that was. Eventually I learned to keep my mouth shut and let him decide what an appropriate gift would be. Occasionally, like for his mother, I would choose my own gift for her. But I wouldn't criticize his choices. I would mentally but not out loud. I was not taken in hand in any sense of the word by the way at this time. I was simply trying to love my husband more and have a greater sense of marital harmony. In time I found that I did not think his gifts were so ridiculous. I realized that what I thought was silly his family might actually like, or simply like because it came from his heart. Now most of the time I look at what he chooses and think; that’s nice, I'm sure his sister will like that.

Now granted I don't like it if he tries to control what I buy for others which he doesn't unless it's how much I spend which really annoys me. We have very different ideas about what is an appropriate amount to spend on gifts. But we are both trying hard to compromise in all areas including gift buying.

The point is that a lot of what has helped us tremendously is me trying to give up being controlling of my husband. He has his own thoughts and ways of doing things. When I finally realized he is a perfectly capable intelligent man and I don't need to control or micromanage him we are both much happier. Also I see that when I am not dominant and bossy he is much more likely to take the dominant role. I love seeing this side of him and he loves seeing the kinder, less bossy side of me. So far I am really enjoying this book and I will certainly order the others you mentioned. The more food for thought I have the better.

by forty something wife on 2005 Feb 11 - 18:51 | reply to this comment Good books Reading books like these is a waste of time. Not only are they extremely badly written, but they offer a lot of very dubious advice about how to fix an unhappy marriage.

If you want a good author to read, I'd recommend Agatha Christie. Not only is she a much better writer, but her books contain much sound advice on how to sort out matrimonial

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